1. |
Skulls of Our Enemies
03:48
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Skål! Skål! Skål! Skål!
We are the shadow of a darkestness
We cast a shadow of our own
Inside that shadow no light escapes
Darkness so dark that it becomes a hole
We are the hole made from the shadow
We are the blackest of the seas
We wear the leather and the spiky things
We are the thirsty - from the enemies' skulls we drink
Fight to live
Live to fight
Fight to live
Drink from the skulls of our enemies
We are angry at establishment
We break the mother flipping rules
Shouting the loud and shouty noisyment
My mum can't understand the feckin words
We break the cups, the mugs, the glasses
We smash the giant drinking horn
Thirsty, with all the other vessels gone
We are the thirsty - from the enemies' skulls we drink
Fight to live
Live to fight
Fight to live
Drink from the skulls of our enemies
And racing out with +5 vorpal blade of power
And slicing cranium off of olfactory bulb
With scalping of flesh and scooping of brain matter
Release inverted calveria we raise to drink
I put my vessel down
But it is round
It tips over and falls
To the ground
Fight to live
Live to fight
Fight to live
Drink from the skulls of our enemies
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2. |
Red Riding Hood
04:49
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Who would have believed that in the year of our Lord 2017
Hot red people would come from Mars
To seduce and destructify the simple peoples of earth?
Failed pockets of resistance antagonised the alien invaders further
Causing the almost extinction of the human race
I remember a time before
Before she offered me wine
Looking back I should have seen
Her bright red crimson skin
She was part of an invasion force
Also, she had red horns
Now I think about it red teeth too
I can no longer blame the wine
Red is the colour of our blood left as a hazard on the floor
Hot red people from Mars destructify our world
It was time to retaliate
An expedition to Mars
Mars, the red, red planet
Full of hot red people
We were part of an invasion force
But we failed to find our foe
In our anger, we only saw red
Making it impossible to find them
Red is the colour of our blood left as a hazard on the floor
Hot red people from Mars destructify our world
I am lupine soldier now - my posting, Olympus Mons
I'll search the Tharsis region for the Red Riding Hoods
My disguise is that of an alluring human grandma
My nightdress is cumbersome, my disguise ineffective
I trip, my visor cracks, the icy world creeps in
I'll think of the hot red girl and what could have been
As my blurry vision fades, I hold on to a final thing:
If I had got to second base could I have been
The Martian king?
Red is the colour of our blood left as a hazard on the floor
Hot red people from Mars destructify our world
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3. |
Way To Die
03:48
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Say goodbye to your world, farewell to your bleak existence
Turn all you know into white noise, dust and soil
Die. Somehow. Just find a way to die
Slaughtered
Eaten
By human
Cannibal
Take too many headache pills
Falling off a windowsill
Comb your hair with a knife
Scalp your head, end your life
Don't care how you die
As long as you die
Don't care how you die
As long as you die
Have a bath
Soapsuds
Toaster
Electrodeath
Freezing on a mountainside
Falling off a theme park ride
Drowning in septic tank
Dying from a strangle-wank
Don't care how you die
As long as you die
Don't care how you die
As long as you die
You, drunk on tequila
Cand die and drive an eighteen-wheeler
On fire for all I care
You, on an acid trip
Can die from random poisoning
In my electric chair
Fry your head until you die
Don't care how you die
As long as you die
Don't care how you die
As long as you die
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4. |
The Magician
04:32
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I command the power of all magics
Kneel and bear witness to complete destruction
Summoning forth demons and dreams and skeletons too
Elemental beasts, and red balloon animals
Cast aside a river of sacrificed innocent virgins
My power grows, my power is bigger than yours
I am master (the invisibling of Leporidae)
Arcane powers (the vanishing of Sudario)
Take my vengeance (materialising Columbidae)
Annihilate, using fire and frost and damaging spells
Necromancy, bending time and space and spoons
Open the sky itself and rain down blood and guts and bits
I wield the power of ancients, I am god
I am master (the invisibling of Leporidae)
Arcane powers (the vanishing of Sudario)
Take my vengeance (materialising Columbidae)
Black clouds of insects disperse and die in the stench of my wake
Ashes settle as my destruction is spent
Gazing up, a lone figure approaches, coin in hand
Payment accepted, wipe the sick from my suit and agree to return for Jimmy's eighth
I am Count Cospocus, Count Mysteryo Cospocus
I am all magic, I own the arcane
My spell book is flipping huge
The magic circle kicked me out
Threatened, no doubt, by my unlimited skills
No one comes close to my illusory cantrips
I am all powerful, I am Mysteryo Cospocus
I am a complete... Count
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5. |
Hurricanado
05:14
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And now Dr Hell with the weather:
"MOIST"
At the edge of the storm
It's bending my trees
I forgot my umbrella
I can't find my keys
Multiple vortex
Downbursts devastation
It brings all the pain
And damp penetration
And rain
Embracing the hurricane
Charging from the sea
Hurricane meet tornado
Cataclysmic debris
And an earthquake
Into the sky
Into the eye
We will fly in the
Hurricanado
Into the sky
Into the eye
We may die in the
Hurricanado
Hurricanado
Hurricanado
Hurricanananananananananado
The tornado was invented in 1929 by Thomas Ornado. Spilling bees into a vat of compressed air, the mighty force of the tornado was released unto the world. Wreaking havoc upon the high seas, they hunger for human annihilation. When faced with the power of a land hurricane, these forces combine inexplicably to form nature's most destructive force: a hurricanado...
And an earthquake
Stercore eh tempestatis
Stercore eh tempestatis
Gravis vernum malus ventus
Gravis vernum malus ventus
The storm rages on...
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6. |
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Gus awoke in agony, his frail form trembling in pain
Looks across the corpses - there lies Zag, his dearest friend
Twisted and broken, but clearly still alive
Gus claws over the dead, to reach his dear friend's side
Avoiding the gaze or the wrathful Turnip King
"Zag, my dearest friend, we have left just one thing."
Gus readied the crystal, and his enchanted gavel
"Prepare, my dearest friend, prepare for time travel."
Six weeks ago their life was seemingly normal
Bored of fire, bored of work
Experimenting with black magic powers
Summon the devil, summon his yolk
Gus, Zag versus the Turnip King
Travel through time, a paradox thing
To their surprise, emerged a bulbous taproot
Born of fire, born of hate
The Turnip King was summoned, not the Devil
Summon the Turnip, summon your fate
Gus, Zag versus the Turnip King
Travel through time, a paradox thing
Gus raises the gavel in his twisted and blackened hand
With vision fading, he destroys the time crystal
The earth, sun and moon tremble
As the time portal rips a gaping hole
Through the very fabric of space-time
Shaking the very foundations of the multiverse
Stepping through the swirling mass of chaotic energy
Stars fly past at unimagined velocity
Ghosts of the dead scream in agony
As time rips apart all existence
They cling together as they burst through the cosmos
Fulled by fire, fuelled by hope
Their bodies meld into a single being
They emerge in through the light
As a walking talking turnip
Gus, Zag versus the Turnip King
Travel through time, a paradox thing
Meeting themselves at the summoning
Gus, Zag became the Turnip King
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7. |
Polterghost
04:39
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Bewilderment - I have weirdly stacked your chairs
Phenomenon - some plates are flying everywhere
Precipitate - a feeling of unease
Consternate - through the scariness of trees
Supernatural
Loud noises
Terrifying
Yvette Fielding
I am the ghost
I am the trees
I can decieve
I live in your head
Under the stairs
And in the TV
I am the ghost
I am the trees
I can deceive
I am the ghost
And I will take your hand and
I'll lead you down into the abyss
Cryptically - writing Latin on your walls
Astonishment - I left your bed sheets in a ball
Disillusion - and illusion
Confusion - every type of "usion"
To save money, they only moved the gravestones
They built the houses on the Indian burial ground
Creatively - I make the white noise on TV
Destructively - turn the boiler to full heat
Irrevocably - I cause some chaos with your lights
Wreckingly - I hide your socks and ladder tights
Polterghost
Spaghetti on the walls
Polterghost
A bit of stuff left on the floor
Polterghost
Can you tidy all your mess?
Polterghost
You dirty, messy bastard, Polterghost
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8. |
Cosmos Goth Moth Gong
03:33
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Cosmos - cosmos goth moth gong
Cosmos - a cosmic space that the moth resides within
Goth moth - a freak of super novastrology
Cosmos - lives off dust and some floating human skin
Goth moth - is the colour black which makes it hard to see
In space
Cosmos - cosmos goth moth gong
Cosmos - flaps his wings to no effect in zero G
Goth moth - is unhappy from without to within
Cosmos - like any other moth avoids nepthalene
Goth moth - his moth balls are a sight yet to be seen
In space
God I'm bored
Maybe I'll have another go on my gong
Errr, now it's drifting away
It will soon be out of reach
Like my half-eaten space blanket
I'd fly after it if I could... but I can't
Stupid space
Cosmos - cosmos goth moth gong
Cosmos - flaps alone, tries to head into the moon
Goth moth - lack of atmosphere means it cannot move
Cosmos - in despair, a cry for help, he sounds his gong
Goth moth - in this vacuum can no-one hear his song?
In space
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9. |
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Brother Pain, why did you go to Antartarctica?
The coldest place on earth is no place for a monk
Escaped your prison cell
Did you carve a key from an inmate's leg?
Why make escape in a stolen car?
Does your mum know where you are?
Brother Pain, why did you go to Antartarctica?
The coldest place on earth is no place for a monk
Brother Pain, why did you go to Antartarctica?
With open sandals and a tunic made of hemp
Snuck aboard a creaky ship
Did you pull the plug to make it sink?
In the cold and the barren and the wind that howls
Were you the one they saw in a hessian cowl?
Brother Pain, why did you go to Antartarctica?
The coldest place on earth is no place for a monk
Brother Pain, why did you go to Antartarctica?
With open sandals and a tunic made of hemp
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10. |
Antartarctica
10:01
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Clawing, rip at your face
Blind from the ice that has frozen your eyes
Suicidal
Pull out a gun
Ready to fire
Missed by a mile 'cause
Your hands are
Frozen, frozen by ice
Nothing but ice as far as you can see
But you see nothing
Already said
That you are blind
Blind from the ice that has
Froze your eyes
Frostbite blackens your limbs
Appendages frozen exposure to snow
Vasoconstriction
Damaging cells
Reducing the core
Temperature
It is cold
Freezing, it's minus below
Zero degrees, definition of freeze
Penetrating
Wind doesn't help
Wading through snow
You enter a cave to
Take respite
From the cold
And the ice
"Hear me traveller, these icy words
I come to you in a dream of song
I am queen of the frozen lands, Alizé
There in the distance, there lies the goal of your intent
Legend tells of a secret path, let me guide you
But danger lies beyond here in this cave
Garganega, Lord of Slugs, waits there.
Vanquish this hellion, till he's gone,
Or like this song your quest goes on,
And on and on and on and on,
And on and on and... on."
"Wake up my progeny
You cannot escape your destiny
Bury your pain deep inside
Alizé, she beckons..."
Waking up in the cave, your vision returns as your eyeballs thaw
Memory of distant voice is beckoning
Gathering strength as your body restores, you begin to explore
The precipice inside the cave, buried under the frozen snow
Creeping ahead you discover a corpse
A disfigured yet recently dead penguin
Searching the body you find a bag of salt
Victory it's time to open up your inventory
These frozen plains are a mystery
You store the salt and marcheth on
Burst
Eine mega burger bitter eine mega Garganega
Slithers forth and thirsty for blood
Eine mega burger bitter eine mega Garganega
Stench of death and oozing slime
Eine mega burger bitter eine mega Garganega
Demon Lord of the ice slugs fight
Eine mega burger bitter eine mega Garganega
Praise his sticky yet frozen slime
Well-placed hand of salt
Twin bane of gastropod
A fizzing mound of flesh
Thrashing through the cave
Begins to dessicate
Garganega falls
Antartarctica
Antartarctica
A protracted narrative
Time is relative
The length is superlative
Antartarctica
"Here, come forth brave monk,
Through the crystal prism,
Before he is revived.
Be seated upon the ice bench.
Our paths are entwined
As here I am imprisoned
Within this frozen cage,
An unwilling slave
By he that stands in your way.
And though Garganega is damaged,
He will return.
You must forge the Sodium Blade
From purest salt.
You must face him.
You must prevail."
With ice hammer and minimal training or experience,
Weeks pass until finally the cold forging is complete
Weird salty sword in hand, you leave Alizé's cold embrace
To face again, once again, Garganega
Raging out from the compost
The demon is here
The demon is fear
Regenerated by decaying waste
His freezing gaze is cold
A newly constructed igloo shell
And spraying ice cold slug milk forth
His slimy maw begins it's discourse
His gross vociferation is a new-found frozen hell
"I see icey death awaits you
I watch the light leave your eyes
Prepare to meet your destiny
Prepare yourself to die."
With a final swing of your mighty salt sword, you level the demon
Stepping over the dissolving cadaver of Garganega, sliding in his remains
There, there you see it, just beyond your sight
After all endured, all peril faced
There it is
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Evil Scarecrow Nottingham, UK
Evil Scarecrow’s live show has been captivating, delighting and surprising audiences for many years. From the local pub to
the main stage at Bloodstock Festival, it has grown bigger, louder and sillier with each year of success.
More than just a metal gig, an Evil Scarecrow show is a performance, a piece of bizarre rock theatre unlike any you’ve seen before.
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